


It's There Even When It's Not

by Raishiteru



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raishiteru/pseuds/Raishiteru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[AU] The mere dropping of an iPod is what connects John and Dave.</p><p>But only for a moment.<br/>A mere moment.<br/>And John can't help but want to know more.</p><p>But why does Dave seem so far away?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's There Even When It's Not

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a one-shot manga called "暗夜行路" by 高木しげよし and the song "Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk.

_He was always sitting at the same room, same spot, and same time._

_His hands never tried to press play._

_His name is Dave Strider and he goes to the same school as me. I hear that he’s a quiet person who likes to listen to music a lot._

_I, John Egbert, am a person who only watches him and doesn’t talk to him._

 

The school bell rings and he remains motionless. Only after most of the students have left the library does he begin to move. He pulls off his headphones, folds them neatly, and places them in the side compartment of his backpack. His iPod is stuffed into the pocket of his jeans. As he gets up however, it slips out and clatters to the floor.

He doesn’t seem to notice.

“Hey, you dropped this.” He continues to walk towards the exit. “Uh, hey!” He turns around at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.

He turns around and stares with unreadable red eyes.

“You dropped your iPod, Dave.” He blinks.

“How do you know my name?” he asks in a flat voice.

“Your class is the one across from mine. My name’s John. But anyways, this iPod is yours, right?”

“Oh…that,” he says, “I’ll give it to you.”

“But you were in the middle of —“

“It’s fine, I’m not going to listen to it anymore. So I’ll give it to you.”

With that, he leaves and disappears into his classroom.

 

“Haha, that was a fun lab!” Jade giggles, folding up her lab coat.

“Energetic as always, John,” she begins, and then tilts her head curiously. “I didn’t know you were into music.” The red iPod is peeking out.

“Uhm, wow, rude, Jade. I listen to iPods, too, okay?”

_I got it from Dave, so of course I would!_

_It’s paused on a song called “Boats and Birds,” by Gregory and the Hawk. It begins with a melancholy tune. Then the lyrics start after about 10 seconds. They’re sung by a hollow, female voice. It’s so soft and…sad._

_“If you be my star,  
_ _I’ll be your sky.  
_ _You can hide underneath me and come out at night  
_ _When I turn jet black and you show of your light.  
_ _I live to let you shine.  
_ _I live to let you shine.”_

 

“Hey, Dave?” He’s sitting in that one spot in the library again and looks up to a tap on the shoulder.

“You again,” he says bluntly. He’s not wearing his earphones today.

“Yea! I listened to ‘Boats and Birds’. It’s really sad.”

“If you don’t like it, don’t listen to it.”

“I’m not saying I don’t like it! I’m just saying that the lyrics are really sad. But people who are willing to support others even if it brings them sadness are pretty cool.” Dave finally speaks.

“You’re really positive, aren’t you?”

“Everyone says that.” He blinks. “Aren’t you going to listen to music anymore, Dave? You haven’t been wearing your earphones lately.”

“You sure know a lot,” is his only response.

“Well, since our school is the type with giant glass windows lining the insides of the hallways, I always see you when I look across the hallway. You used to have your earphones in all the time and your fingers would always be tapping.”

“Oh, yea,” he says and looks away, then looks back again. “I’ve always felt like someone was watching me. So that was you, huh?”

_He knew about me…_

_“But you can skyrocket away from me,  
_ _And never come back if you find another galaxy  
_ _Far from here with more room to fly;  
_ _Just leave me your stardust to remember you by.”_

 

“Hey, Dave!”

_Every day, I go to find him in the same spot in the library. I tell him that I’ve started memorizing the lyrics to the song, singing a bit and humming the parts I don’t remember. I never know if he’s listening or not, because he just sits there and stares at me._

_But everything felt okay._

“Oh, see you tomorrow, Dave!” The class bell had already rung a while ago and he was just preparing to leave.

_Oh, shoot, I forgot to ask!_

 

_“If you be my boat,  
_ _I’ll be your sea,  
_ _A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity,  
_ _Ebbing and flowing, and pushed by a breeze.  
_ _I live to —“_

_And pause._

_1:10._

“Oh, that,” Dave says, the next day, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But it was paused at this part when you gave it to me.” He doesn’t reply and seems lost in thought.

_He never smiles at me._

_When we’re in the library, all he does is listen and give short replies. I know that the blunt responses are part of his character, but why doesn’t he smile?_

_There is no time for me._

_The 10-minute break spent in the library is what connects us._

 

“I’m still memorizing the lyrics, Dave. I’m up to the part where you paused it.”

“Why don’t you stop listening,” he says, pausing a bit, “…like me…”

_He was still listening to it._

“I’m returning this.” He looks at the offered red iPod, but doesn’t take it.

“I said I don’t want it.”

“Why? Why are you giving up? You were the one who taught me not to give up.” He looks surprised.

_It was three years ago…_

“Ugh, I can’t believe we messed up on the presentation. We sucked because I didn’t memorize my lines well. I want to quit…”

“I can hear it all the way over here. It’s too loud and I can’t listen to my music.” The door slid open. “If you stay there, your heart is going to grow some mold.” Red eyes bore down in an unwavering gaze. A small smile graced his features.

_From that time…_

“I started to like you.” Dave’s eyes widen, realizing, remembering.

But he doesn’t speak.

Doesn’t smile.

“That was the first time I met you. And to be honest, I’m not really into music. I’ve always wondered what was so interesting about it. But now, I can feel so many emotions and so many feelings in each melody, every harmony. I can even stay awake and pay attention to music theory that I used to hate before.” He stares at the red iPod as it’s offered again.

“Then I learned that the more you widen your world, the more enjoyable it will become.”

“John…” Dave begins.

“I want you to remember that. Take it.”

_I didn’t know…_

_I didn’t know how much those hands had already given up. And how much courage he had to gather to reach out his hand once again._

The iPod falls to the floor again.

“These ears have forgotten the sound of music.” He stares, but this time, with a pained expression. “You didn’t notice? Well, everyone was supporting me so that I can lead a normal life.”

“…Even from before?”

“It was almost three years ago, but not quite. You probably saw it on the news.” He drags his hand through the air in front of your eyes, as if revealing a line of words. “Reported as ‘A Truck Crashes into Small Vehicle; Man Dies, But Boy Survives, Hospitalized’. I’ve already forgotten the sound of my older brother’s voice, but one thing’s for sure: I’ll never be able to hear again. Right now, I can only read lips.” His red eyes are sharp and unrelenting, but cannot completely mask the pained expression. “Remember you asked why the song was paused there? 1:10, right? I can still remember the time. That song was playing on my iPod during that ride. He told me to listen to it, but I can’t. I can’t…listen to music anymore. I can’t even hear your voice, John.”

“B-but, you can still remember, right? The music! A miracle might occur and you might be able to…”

“That’s what I used to believe, too,” he interrupts, “but that belief became disappointment. And yet, are you still going to tell me to have hope for my future?”

_No matter how many lines of lyric I memorize, I’ll never reach him…_

“It’s okay, I’m fine with this,” he continues flatly, “I have good friends who will take care of me, and they’ll help me live on without Bro. I had a happy life.”

_I won’t reach…_

“Even without my brother, I can support myself now. So it’s okay.”

_“— make you free.  
_ _I live to make you free.”_

_The pause at 1:10._

_The song of a life that had been stopped then and there._

_Dave…_

_In your world that has stopped, is there no scene that rekindles the fire?_

_Can you not smell the fragrance of new flowers blooming?_

_Can you not feel the stirring of the breeze?_

_Is there no music at all?_

_Any…hope?_

_Dave walks in silence, searching for the music from long ago._

“It’s fine this way.” He gets up and begins to leave.

_Of course it’s not fine this way._

“See you tomorrow, Dave!” He doesn’t look back, but you know that he knows.

_The one who taught me that the world is full of music was you._

 

Dave walks into the library and looks around, seeing no one. As he sits down at his usual spot, however, there’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns.

“I live to make you free.  
I live to make you free.”

“John, what —“

“I really tried to stop listening, I really did! But I really didn’t want everything to end here.” Dave finally smiles.

_It’s a sad smile. A pained smile. But at least, he finally smiled at me._

“But you can set sail to the west if you want to  
And past the horizon ‘til I can’t even see you,  
Far from here where the beaches are wide;  
Just leave me your wake to remember you by.”

“Bro…” Dave’s hand reaches up and places itself to feel the vibrations coming from the throat.

“If you be my star,  
I’ll be your sky.  
You can hide underneath me and come at night  
When I turn jet black and you show off your light.  
I live to let you shine.  
I live to let you shine.”

It’s lips against lips now and Dave mouths ‘don’t stop singing, John’.

“But you can skyrocket away from me,  
And never come back if you find another galaxy  
Far from here with more room to fly;  
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by…  
Stardust to remember you by.”

By the last few lines, his lips are moving along, tracing the words, remembering the song, the music he had lost so long ago.

“Can you hear it, Dave?” His lips pull away after a last, lingering touch.

“Yea, John, I can hear it.” Tears are rolling down his cheeks and fingers come up to brush them away. Not his fingers though.

“It’s such a beautiful song. I feel a bit lonely that it has come to an end.”

“Yea, you’re right.”

“Huh?”

“What,” Dave says, ghosting his lips over lips again, “will I make you sing for me next?”

_The time will never come when you will be able to hear again, but still, I want to stay by your side. You’ll never grieve alone, Dave. Will you let me be your new pillar of support?_

_Let’s wish, at least, that the last world you hear is full of everlasting music._


End file.
